Most girls are not fun to watch football with. One way
or another, they will make their presence known with
their verbal reactions to the plays that will make you
feel like this is just another way they can force all the
attention in the room onto them.
We get that you are probably watching with us to be
a part of an activity we truly view as special, but that
doesn’t mean you have the right to turn the part of
the week we look forward to the most into a stressful
endeavor.
Whether they know what they are talking about or
not, girls simply get in the way when it comes to
watching football because we find ourselves worrying
about what they will do or say next rather then the
game itself. Virtually all of their comments and
questions will just give off the overall message “I’m a
girl, this is why this is weird for me.”
Here is a list compiling the different types of girls
that all pose their own threats in terms of sucking
the fun out of a football game to the point where it
seems like they are only there to piss you off.
THE CHICK
The girl who couldn’t give a poo. She’s usually one of
your friends’ girlfriends, who your friend for some
reason always thinks it’s necessary to bring along.
She sits on her phone the entire time or tries to make
conversation during the most important moments of
the game.
Occasionally, she even threatens to change the
channel, or asks to use your laptop to go on Facebook
when you are clearly using it to check your fantasy
match-up. This girl has no business being over for
Sunday football and makes you consider why you’re
even friends with your friend in the first place.
THE FAKER
The girl who pretends she knows what she’s talking
about. This girl usually has a brother or ex boyfriend
who was a fan of your local team, so therefore she
pretends to be really interested in the outcome of the
game. She only knows the name of the quarterback
and the top player and finds it necessary to keep
saying their names, even when they’re not on the
field.
This girl tries to be cool and act like one of the guys
but it’s pretty unanimous by the end of the first
quarter that everyone wants to kill her because she
represents all that could go wrong with the average
football fan.
THE QUESTIONER
The girl who asks too many questions. It’s cute to
explain the rules of sports to your girlfriend, but it’s
annoying when she literally doesn’t know anything.
Questions from “how do they keep moving those
lines”, to “how come they keep throwing garbage on
the field” can drive any football fan insane,
regardless of how hot the girl is. Having your
girlfriend show interest is appreciated, but being
interrogated every five minutes is no way to enjoy
the game.
THE SOFTY
The girl who is too sensitive. This is the kind of girl
who gets squeamish every time there’s a big hit. She
acts as if she’s watching ‘The Haunting’ instead of a
football game. She worries about every player that
gets hit and occasionally roots for the other team
because she “feels bad that no one is cheering for
them.” This girl should spend her Sundays at a
petting Zoo or a child orphanage, not watching the
game with you.
THE AGITATOR
The girl who enjoys getting under your skin. She’s a
competitive girl by nature who takes advantage of
every opportunity available to get you riled up. This
is the kind of girl who cheers for the other team, just
to piss you off. She’s loud and obnoxious, and though
she thinks she is being cute by bickering with you,
that time she rubbed that interception in your face
you actually wanted to punch her in her face.
YOUR MOM
The woman who literally gave birth to you. The
Thanksgiving football games are always tough to sit
through because you have to watch them with your
entire family. Your Mom knows how passionate you
are about your football and because she loves you
she becomes passionate, too.
She cheers in the corniest way possible,
embarrassing the poo out of you and complaining
when there is a bad call just to add salt to injury. She
thinks she is being a “cool Mom” by high-five-ing you
every time something good happens, when all you
want her to do is shut the heck up and go check on
the turkey.
THE ALL-KNOWING
The girl who actually knows more than you. Now
men, I know this is a rare one, but you can’t exclude
those couple of girls who grew up as the youngest in
an all male household and was practically brought up
on Sunday football. She is so intense about her team
that it actually scares you because you’ve never seen
a girl so angry that you haven’t cheated on.
She can answer every one of your demeaning sports
trivia questions, and can even chug a beer faster
than you. This girl is cool to have around initially, but
ultimately becomes intimidating and makes you
uncomfortable. You’re a girl. You’re not supposed to
challenge me on a football question and actually be
right.
I’m not saying that you can’t have a good time
watching a football game with a girl. Hey lets face it,
all girls look sexy in a football jersey (unless they
actually look like Nick Mangold). I’m just saying it’s
very hard to enjoy watching a game with any of
these girls. Point being, when you watch the game all
of your focus and concern should be on the field, not
on how the girl next to you is going to react.
Your comments will freak us out and probably make
us look at you in a strange light for the following days
to come. No offense ladies, but we prefer not to be
disoriented when enjoying our most treasured past
time.
or another, they will make their presence known with
their verbal reactions to the plays that will make you
feel like this is just another way they can force all the
attention in the room onto them.
We get that you are probably watching with us to be
a part of an activity we truly view as special, but that
doesn’t mean you have the right to turn the part of
the week we look forward to the most into a stressful
endeavor.
Whether they know what they are talking about or
not, girls simply get in the way when it comes to
watching football because we find ourselves worrying
about what they will do or say next rather then the
game itself. Virtually all of their comments and
questions will just give off the overall message “I’m a
girl, this is why this is weird for me.”
Here is a list compiling the different types of girls
that all pose their own threats in terms of sucking
the fun out of a football game to the point where it
seems like they are only there to piss you off.
THE CHICK
The girl who couldn’t give a poo. She’s usually one of
your friends’ girlfriends, who your friend for some
reason always thinks it’s necessary to bring along.
She sits on her phone the entire time or tries to make
conversation during the most important moments of
the game.
Occasionally, she even threatens to change the
channel, or asks to use your laptop to go on Facebook
when you are clearly using it to check your fantasy
match-up. This girl has no business being over for
Sunday football and makes you consider why you’re
even friends with your friend in the first place.
THE FAKER
The girl who pretends she knows what she’s talking
about. This girl usually has a brother or ex boyfriend
who was a fan of your local team, so therefore she
pretends to be really interested in the outcome of the
game. She only knows the name of the quarterback
and the top player and finds it necessary to keep
saying their names, even when they’re not on the
field.
This girl tries to be cool and act like one of the guys
but it’s pretty unanimous by the end of the first
quarter that everyone wants to kill her because she
represents all that could go wrong with the average
football fan.
THE QUESTIONER
The girl who asks too many questions. It’s cute to
explain the rules of sports to your girlfriend, but it’s
annoying when she literally doesn’t know anything.
Questions from “how do they keep moving those
lines”, to “how come they keep throwing garbage on
the field” can drive any football fan insane,
regardless of how hot the girl is. Having your
girlfriend show interest is appreciated, but being
interrogated every five minutes is no way to enjoy
the game.
THE SOFTY
The girl who is too sensitive. This is the kind of girl
who gets squeamish every time there’s a big hit. She
acts as if she’s watching ‘The Haunting’ instead of a
football game. She worries about every player that
gets hit and occasionally roots for the other team
because she “feels bad that no one is cheering for
them.” This girl should spend her Sundays at a
petting Zoo or a child orphanage, not watching the
game with you.
THE AGITATOR
The girl who enjoys getting under your skin. She’s a
competitive girl by nature who takes advantage of
every opportunity available to get you riled up. This
is the kind of girl who cheers for the other team, just
to piss you off. She’s loud and obnoxious, and though
she thinks she is being cute by bickering with you,
that time she rubbed that interception in your face
you actually wanted to punch her in her face.
YOUR MOM
The woman who literally gave birth to you. The
Thanksgiving football games are always tough to sit
through because you have to watch them with your
entire family. Your Mom knows how passionate you
are about your football and because she loves you
she becomes passionate, too.
She cheers in the corniest way possible,
embarrassing the poo out of you and complaining
when there is a bad call just to add salt to injury. She
thinks she is being a “cool Mom” by high-five-ing you
every time something good happens, when all you
want her to do is shut the heck up and go check on
the turkey.
THE ALL-KNOWING
The girl who actually knows more than you. Now
men, I know this is a rare one, but you can’t exclude
those couple of girls who grew up as the youngest in
an all male household and was practically brought up
on Sunday football. She is so intense about her team
that it actually scares you because you’ve never seen
a girl so angry that you haven’t cheated on.
She can answer every one of your demeaning sports
trivia questions, and can even chug a beer faster
than you. This girl is cool to have around initially, but
ultimately becomes intimidating and makes you
uncomfortable. You’re a girl. You’re not supposed to
challenge me on a football question and actually be
right.
I’m not saying that you can’t have a good time
watching a football game with a girl. Hey lets face it,
all girls look sexy in a football jersey (unless they
actually look like Nick Mangold). I’m just saying it’s
very hard to enjoy watching a game with any of
these girls. Point being, when you watch the game all
of your focus and concern should be on the field, not
on how the girl next to you is going to react.
Your comments will freak us out and probably make
us look at you in a strange light for the following days
to come. No offense ladies, but we prefer not to be
disoriented when enjoying our most treasured past
time.
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